Taking responsibility during your divorce.
Taking responsibility actually helps expedite the healing process as opposed to delaying the recovery with short-term fixes.
Tom raises the issue of responsibility for making the decisions and actions right even the decision to divorce. It’s a powerful way to take ownership of the decision. Responsibility finds its center with the children. Tom raises the point of the responsibility for self-care.
Adrian advises that in one’s review of the factors leading to a divorce a person should work to see the factors they contributed to and take responsibility for them. Tom wonders about the destructive nature of blaming oneself for the ending of a relationship and how it might reverse the progress.
Responsibility means avoiding a martyr or victim mentality. Work to understand and control what you have over: your own decisions and actions and take ownership and understand them – and let go of the things you don’t.
“Act or Accept” becomes a key mantra as you work to avoid the stigma of “being divorced” Tom notes that this effect becomes more acute as one gets older. He further discusses the isolation that can sometimes drives people away from social interaction. The social pressure to re-engage while profound, can be limiting in self actualization and it’s pressure to belong is rooted in peer group’s desire to normalize the life experience of those close to them.
Tom discusses the analogy of sales and establishing report with prospects. He notes few prospects care about a sales person’s needs.
Adrian reinforces the idea that divorce presents opportunity for reinvention and Tom discusses the convenience of re-setting one’s diet in the context of making better food choices as a key way to begin to adopt good habits.
The message of small-step success is reinforced and Tom shares tips like list-building for using small bits of momentum to avoid disappointment that sabotages and subverts efforts to improve. Adrian discusses the sense of control and confidence that small-step success can bring.
The transcript for this podcast is located here