How to cope with moving and divorce.

Moving And Memories The Over Divorce Podcast

Moving and memories are the topic of this episode of the Over Divorce podcast with Adrian and Tom.  The difficulties of packing up and moving are likely to be a major part of anyone’s divorce experience. Tom and Adrian discuss their own issues around moving and the memories associated with the location of their past house and the promise of a new location.

Tom discusses the role of memory and identity as described by Philip K. Dick In a number of movies and stories including Blade Runner, Total Recall, and Minority Report. Tom goes on to describe how Philip K Dick used the collection of memories to define the identity of characters-who they are and what they think of themselves. The hosts go on to reflect on possessions and their meaning relative to an individual’s identity. Adrian proposes (as seen in the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) the possibility of erasing one’s memory completely as a means of getting over the pain and struggle of a divorce. Adrian points out how different kind of memories can put you in different moods as well as how different moods can pull out different memories. He goes on to share how he aggressively removed all the objects the reminded him of his ex to help manage the negative feelings those objects could manifest. The hosts continue to discuss the practicality of second and third marriages as a segue from the usefulness of keeping a collection of photos from the first wedding.
Kids are cited as a reason for taking divorce more seriously and intensely. The hosts discuss the having children and how that creates substantially more difficulty in getting along with your ex.

A transcript of the episode is available here

Divorce communication and how to communicate with your ex wife.

Communicating With Your Ex- The Over Divorce Podcast

Communicating with your ex is difficult.  In this episode of the OverDivorce podcast the hosts discuss alternatives to face-to-face confrontation.

Coming up with some ways to maintain your composure, and thinking of some tips and techniques to help you along the way is helpful.Email is a good way to make sure your words are chosen carefully. Sending that email immediately  is ill-advised, however. Getting that off on the right foot is crucial. For those who have children, it’s essential to remember that ex-spouses are part of your life for as long as you are a parent.  It’s easy to lose sight of that in the midst of a contentious divorce.

A healthy divorce recovery demands effective communications and often that simply means collecting, holding and managing your thoughts.

One tip explored by the hosts is  to remember not to send anything that you write at night. Waiting until the morning and reading it again is helpful to keep things in control.  Especially when you need to communicate your thoughts lucidly and with some serious forethought. You may write things at night but save them for the light of day when you have a clearer sense of your feelings. Approach all communications with sobriety, and a second mental framework to make sure that you are communicating what you intend.

The difficulties around social media are discussed including the pros and cons of blocking your ex as well as blocking them from your profile. Relationships with your children are discussed in podcast and the essential importance of leaving them out of the communication loop with your ex.  As tempting and easy as it is to use them to relay messages the hosts remind listeners that it is not their role to share messages or insight about the status of your ex.  Keep their participation in communications with your ex at a minimum.

A transcript of the podcast is available here