How to cope with your divorce and maintain your sanity.

Divorce Ups and Downs The Over Divorce Podcast

Divorce means change and that means ups and downs in mood and attitude. That’s the focus of this episode of the OverDivorce Podcast.

Tom and Adrian discuss the E-ticket ride that is the emotional roller coaster of divorce.  Being terribly sad , then happy, then sad again.  Adrian notes  that one of the hardest parts is thinking that you’re OK and thinking you’re over things. Then Out of nowhere something come up and sneak up on you and rip you back down to a new low point. Tom notes that being aware that moods pass helps get through it. The key is detaching from those moods and letting them pass.

Adrian then cites the importance of mediation as a means of maintaining an even mood. He goes on to say that what he’s learned about meditation would’ve helped him significantly over the past  few years.

Tom discusses the potential positive effects of using a rubber band as a means of reminding yourself when you’re ruminating or obsessively thinking thoughts that aren’t helpful or constructive.

Adrian details some of his experience with the rubber band technique and observes that it was actually quite helpful in mediating his mood.

Adrian and Tom sky the shortcomings of using chemicals to help distract you from thinking too much. The effects are short-lived and tend to make things worse in the long run. Tom shares some guilt about anxiety and worry being first world problems and Adrian discuss Maslow and how emotionally we can’t tell the difference.

Exercise and social engagement are discussed as more effective tools in the battle against excessive anxiety. Mind hacks as a means to begin engaging in either exercise or social activities are described- for example the method of just starting can be a big help  engaging the mind in a task that it was once was resistant to.

The hosts discussed the difficulty of getting started any kind of task when depressed. They discuss the e-book available on this website.  Its contents are described– specifically small things that you can do right away -in less than 60 seconds- to make your life a little happier, lighter and easier during a very difficult time.

The transcripts are available here

Confidence and divorce

Confidence – The Over Divorce Podcast

Confidence is explored further in this episode- extending on the subject covered in the previous Eric Von Sydow episode, Tom and Adrian discuss the need to find the confidence to regain the ability to accept risk.

The hosts discuss the connection of personal fitness and nutrition in the process of recovering confidence. Adrian discusses his enthusiasm for smoothies containing Kale and protein powder. Tom discusses an older anecdotal study of twins using different fitness regimes and the results they achieved.

Other Self-care methods and “controlling the controllables”are explored and discussed as is the pain associated with the loss of confidence and trust at the onset of a break-up.

Tom brings up the organizational tactic of Time Blocking and advocates for applying it to gain further control of one’s time as a means of improving confidence and paying one’s self first. Adrian discusses the benefits of having things scheduled and releasing himself from the internal dialogue of having to decide what to eat or do next. Leveraging routine Andrian continues is the key to developing healthy habits.

The discussion moves to shifting the internal critic to focus on what you are doing right as opposed to obsessing over what is going wrong.

Adrian goes further to discuss the advantages of Eastern Martial Arts as a means to boost confidence.  Combat and competition can help focus the mind and find key areas to improve physically as well as discipline to ease and quiet the mind.

The hosts discuss the advantages of Outward Bound  and how wilderness or survival training can do remarkable things for one’s confidence. Tom mentions Kezia Noble and her references to confidence as a critical factor when men are assessed by women as potential dating candidates.

The hosts discuss how important confidence is to dads with kids.  Confidence is critical in not allowing a danger power shift to occur between kids and their parents. If dad is viewed as lacking confidence and needing care, kids will be put at risk.

The transcript for this episode is available here

Hypnotica talks about confidence during divorce.

Hypnotica On Control, Power and Confidence-The Over Divorce Podcast

Control, power and confidence are discussed in this episode. Famed self-help guru Eric Von Sydow a.k.a. Hypontica joins the podcast. Tom and Adrian” pose questions about dating and figuring out when one is ready to date.

Eric has 20 years of diverse experience running strip clubs and helping people and relationships. He shares tips about “the Inner Game”, recovery from emotional trauma, and how he manages members of Seal teams when things get out of hand. “Chaos keeps you on your toes”.

Adrian and Eric discuss hypnosis and Hoʻoponopono. And how some of Eric’s earlier work helped Adrian transition out of marriage.

Eric also tells about being in an open relationship and breaking up with an ex-girlfriend. and discusses the value of going through pain and the importance of closure even in the context of low levels of communication.

Eric discusses the error of giving away your manhood and surrendering your power. He says it’s about leadership and surrendering the role of leader. Eric says women become resentful of having to take the lead.

Adrian reflects on the value of taking ownership of identity and Eric shares the power of owning the vision and the tragedy of surrendering the vision small piece by small piece. Eric challenges the listener around knowing where their identity is centered and how that gets tested.

Tom adds that the power in a relationship seems to be a function of proactivity vs. reactivity- that reactivity requires less effort and turns to boredom.

Eric makes a strong case for self-love driving the ability to form meaningful relationship and shares tips for self-actualization, including being the person you want to be first. A self audit becomes critical to self-development. He also shares some tips for taking responsibilities, for vision, and acknowledging where you are and leaving victimhood behind.

Eric promotes practical use of dating sites, advocates for a short rebound after divorce , and to be as social as possible as quickly as possible. He makes the point that there is more than one way to grieve.

Adrian notes that the hard choice and the right choice are often the same.

Eric reinforces the simplicity associated with choosing your path and owning the responsibility of your choices as opposed to being locked-in by fear of the unknown or fear of social rejection. Eric discusses methods of confronting fears in order to break out of personal ruts.

Everyone discusses the meanings and distinctions of good and bad stress. and Eric confirms the importance of one’s own opinion of themselves relative to the opinion of others. He also discusses the limits of effort and the importance of systems to assessing efforts put forward to a given outcome.

Brain-hacks and other efforts are discussed in order to take ownership of goals to optimize personal systems.

A transcript is available here.