Podcast about finding new love after your divorce.

New Love The Over Divorce Podcast

Finding new love is the topic of the 11th episode of The OverDivorce podcast.

Tom and Adrian begin the podcast by discussing the concerns about finding the courage to trust, and the irrational concerns around being worthy of finding love after divorce.

Adrian discusses the futility of finding validation from outside and then discovering that validation comes from inside. Tom identifies the Morrissey Jay-Z conundrum.

Adrian continues by identifying the male need to go after and hunt and the benefits of abstinence immediately after divorce.  Tom asks how one knows the new relationship is not a rebound. Adrian shares how he created a list of what was important in a new partner to make sure the new partner was genuinely Ms. Right and not Ms. Right Now. Tom shares the value of taking stock over past relationships to find out what works and what doesn’t.

Tom discusses the biology of change, and the sociology of divorce in the current day and the ability of women to choose separation.

Adrian discusses the perpetuation of family patterns and their role in defining behavior. He goes further to define the value of the divorce and it’s ability to offer one time to reflect on areas of improvement. Tom extends the point by discussing the default nature of behavior-that with the lack of conscious decision people often default to observed behaviors regardless of their effectiveness.

Adrian discusses the importance of time in assessing the rightness of a new relationship. Tom cites the old wisdom that fools rush in where angels fear to tread

A transcript of the podcast is available here

Podcast about hope and change during your divorce.

Hope and Change The Over Divorce Podcast Episode 10

Hope and Change-
Tom and Adrian discuss the timelines on their personal divorce journeys. Adrian shares both how difficult his journey was and and when the difficulty ended. but remembers that it took what is typically an 18 month period.

Adrian notes the importance of finding things he enjoys and connecting with his children and family. He shares that using the divorce event wisely can help build a better life.

Tom asks about the signs one can look for early on in the divorce event to know that things are going to be ok and notes friendships as being key to that. Adrian adds that it was hard for him to find anything early on but his ability to change his perspective was an early key indicator that things were going to improve. Also that so many guys who have been through what you are going through. Behavioral changes are clear indicators that one has control of their situations.

Adrian points out that Conscious choice and control over those choices builds confidence and that in-turn will confirm that you can have a better live and the value you bring.

Adrian and Tom point out the value of volunteering in helping to re-define your personality. And Adrian reminds us of the power of time to heal all wounds.

Tom reflects on what a powerful relief the resolution of his divorce agreement. and that research shows talking about painful events decrease their trauma

Adrian re-shares his tip about finding a restaurant to become a regular at in order to get to know new people. Tom references James Altucher and his 2 dollar bill tip

A transcript for the podcast can be found here.

A Over Divorce podcast on the importance of forgiveness.

Forgiveness The Over Divorce Podcast Episode 9

“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” – Confucius

Adrian and Tom share the difficulty of forgiveness and tom shares his thought about the “grudge gene”. and Adrian distinguishes between forgiving and forgetting. He shares his experience is going down the path of forgiveness.

Tom shares his difficulties finding forgiveness and offering it an ex who hasn’t sought it.

Adrian expresses his belief that acknowledgment of having done something wrong in order to gain the benefits of forgiveness. He points out that the anger that comes for a difference of perspective or goals isn’t necessarily a wrong- but may require forgiveness anyway as a means or method of moving on.

Tom asks if acceptance and forgiveness are the same thing. Adrian advocates for an intellectual and emotional acceptance. Tom reflects on the meaning and pain of nostalgia. Adrian reminds us that the surrender of anger as being the first sign that you are moving on. Tom identifies grace as providing the clarity of moving on.

Adrian tells of looking for results form forgiveness and trying to find a process for forgiveness. Tom asks if one is looking to forgive oneself through these efforts. Adrian and Tom discuss the loop that occurs from not being able to forgive yourself for transgressions against others and the ability to stop repeating the same self-damaging mistakes and taking responsibility for your own mistakes to get closure.

Tom Discusses “backsliding” and the importance forgiving oneself in order to recover and get back on the right path. He reflects on episode 8 and how obsessing over the past prevents moving on. Tom also discusses the value of using presence to get yourself out of your own head.

Adrian reflects on the importance of being aware of his own emotional state and using that as a means embracing how ephemeral those emotional states really are and how they pass.

Tom tells a story of caring for his child and understanding how truly ephemeral emotional episodes really last and how that can help to see the end of it and looking for cues that help you come out of a tough spot. He also shares data regarding smiling scheduling a trip as a means of changing your mood  just one of the 60 tips available in the free e-book on over divorce.com

A transcript can be found here.